On February 12th 2014 my parents woke me up and told me to get ready
 because I was going to Virginia. I was told it was a trauma center and
 it was only for two days. Sure, I wanted help and a plane ride sounded
 great; plus only two days no biggy. So my stepfather and Nana rode on
 the plane with me. We then drove from the airport to this school. It
 was extremely nice and had horses on the property. We walked in to the
 building a lady opened the door for us and we went into the conference
 room. I sat down and I was introduced to Rachel,Liam, and Beverly.
 Liam began by telling me that this was a 9 to 12 month program. I
 don't remember much of what he said after that. My family was leaving
 me. I told them how I hated them and I would not get better there.
 Today those words are still true.
 

After my family left without saying goodbye, I still do not know if
 this was there choice or what they had to do, I was taken to a room
 where I undressed and they( Rachel and Beverly) searched me. I did not
 refuse I was scared and today I am thankful for that fear. I then met
 my mentor. My mentor was a girl in the school and she was the only
 person I could talk to for 2 weeks. Within my first week at ALA my
 vocabulary had grown. I learned the meaning of the words corrective
 action, IT, and staff run. I remember saying to my mentor, "
 Corrective actions are just a nice word for how they punish us." She
 just shushed me.
 

Also within a week I got to witnessed an IT. After we finished dinner,
 we lined up and did our count. We then went to the gym, boys were told
 to make a semi circle on one side and girls the other. A complete
 circle of fear. We kept our heads to the ground. No one dared to look
 at a boy. We knew the punishment. Liam then said," I am responsible
 for each and everyone of your guys safety. Now is the time to speak
 up, if you have looked at  the opposite gender come forward." No one
 moved. Hell, no one breathed. I had looked at a boy, I was scared.
 Liam turned to the guys side and asked the question again. Then he
 told the girl side to raise their hand if a boy had looked at them.
 Some girls raised there hands. I did not. Liam then went to a boy and
 said," so (his name) you haven't looked at any girls?" We then were
 told to sit. We sat Indian style and looked down. The boy was
 humiliated. Liam told him how he was a pervert and made us feel
 uncomfortable. He didnt make me feel uncomfortable. That night I
 thought was easy compared to the stories Ive heard I now know I was
 wrong. He did vigerious exercises for about an hour. We got to look up
 just not at him. That is until he was forced to apologize to us. He
 did nothing to me. Next was (girl name) it was her third day. She was
 made to exercise as well. She was wheezing when she said I cant, I
 cant do it any more. The response was if you pass out we will revive
 you and you will finish. She kept begging and staff kept responding
 the same way. Eventually she just laid down. Staff then picked her up
 and dropped her. By this I mean someone picked up her arms and someone
 her feet. Together they brought her up about a foot and dropped her
 down. She was then forced to run while Liam spit in her face telling
 her that she will listen, and she will not look at the boys again.
 This became normal for my first three months. Boys ran away for help
 they were locked away with bread and water well as Liam told us. Staff
 Run stories were told, girls peeing themselves, boys pooping
 themselves. Some could change themselves some couldn't.
 

Eventually after 3 months of terror Liam was fired and his family and
 friends left with him. We were then "blessed" with Nathanial. I fell
 in love with him, he cared about us. He told me how well I was doing.
 He was proud of me. Jesus became ever more present in our life. We
 were not allowed to touch except for time of prayer. We were forced to
 read the bible and even participate in a bible class. If you disagreed
 with this, too bad. We were told that God and the bible was the only
 way out of our addictions. I had no addiction and I had no god. That
 is when I began taking benadryl every morning so I could sleep through
 the day. Therapy was going so swell I did not even discuss my problems
 instead I talked about ALA and my therapist agreed it was odd. The day
 that ruined me was a Tuesday. Nathanial wanted to speak to me about a
 boy who had humiliated me over a love note that I turned in. I talked
 to Nathanial in the boys eating area during lunch and he told me that
 if something like that was to happen again I was to go directly to
 him. I of course said ok. After lunch, during class, Nathanial again
 wanted to speak to me. He took me to an empty classroom. Again he told
 me the same thing and wanted to pray. He put his arm around me and
 prayed. Then he told me to hug him. So I did. At first it seemed as if
 he was going to kiss me, I quickly turned my head. The hug was long
 and odd. I kept trying to pull away but he held on. Then as he
 released me he took a hold of my breast. I pulled away quickly and he
 smiled. I thought nothing of it. I truly believed it was an accident.
 

Until that Friday, when other girls told me it happened to them. We had
 to make a plan. We couldn't trust staff we had planned to pull the
 fire alarm and go to jail so we could be safe. Of course the secret
 didn't stay a secret. Staff informed parents and questioned us. I
 again told my parents it had happened and they said at least I will
 not be raped.  The sheriff office then called my mother, I was on
 camera and it was true. My parents then came to pick me up. I left
 ALA on June 23rd 2014.
 

These two accounts are only a blink of my stay. I was constantly lied
 to. I was told my parents were going through parent counseling. They
 were not. I watched staff walk into my life as soon as they walked
 out. I fell in love and was again deserted. My parental contact was
 limited to 15 minutes a week phone calls and three visits. I got one
 visit. When I left ALA, I did not know who my parents were.
 

I was constantly hungry, we were fed 3 meals a day and if I could I
 would stuff any extras into my pants so I could make sure I wasn't
 hungry later. I ate out of the garbage, I was hungry and did not care.
 

I remember a guest speaker that came in and told us that if we were gay
 God did not want us. Hell, we could not even go to heaven. Being gay
 at ALA was difficult, we were treated less then the others. Gays did
 not phase up as fast.(phases were markers of our progress). We were
 always being watched.
 

At ALA we consistently were running out of medicines such as
 antidepressants and ADD medicine. It was normal to go a couple of
 weeks without our meds.
 

I have PTSD, depression and anxiety. ALA has left me more depressed
 then I have ever been before. I am terrified of grown men and adults
 that I love touching me. I have nightmares of ALA almost every night.
 ALA has left me broken. I am 15 years old.
 

2 years prior to ALA my father killed my Stepmother, my 2 brothers, my
 sister and then himself. My PTSD is due to that as well as my
 depression. Yet, ALA has added so much more to my disorders. I never
 feel safe after ALA. I trust no one after ALA. I stopped feeling after
 ALA.
 

Contact: mandieatwater@ymail.com